resolution 2011

I'm so glad to say goodbye to 2010.  I had high hopes, dreams and aspirations for last year.  It started out with a bang and kept getting better and better but somewhere along the way, it all came down.  These past couple months have been an absolute disaster.  I'm not looking for pity, I'm not looking for sympathy.  All I'm doing is stating the absolute fact.
I don't really know how a day can make such a difference.  I don't know what changes in our psyche from December 31 to January 1 or from one year to the next but something out the freshness of a new year brings hopes for change.  Each year people resolve to lose weight or to exercise more or to quit smoking or to eat better but how many of those resolutions last past May? I'm looking to make a change and I'm looking to hold onto that change.
This year, I'm resolving to make better decisions.  It may sound completely petty, but, to me, it's something that I know needs improvement and it's where I know I've got to make a change.  I can look back and trace the outcomes of this past year to poor decision making on my part.  I thought I knew what I was doing.  I thought I knew where I was going but then I found myself in places and situations where all the rules are changed and all bets are off.
I allowed people to get too close to me who weren't looking out for anyone's well-being but their own.  I found myself pleading to hold on to the comfortable when what was comfortable was absolutely not what was best.  I discovered that so few people are truly the person they present themselves to be.  I now have a hard time trusting anyone since I never know how truthful they are being.  I allowed people to affect my life in ways that were completely short-sighted and ignorant.  When I look at where I've landed, I discover more and more that it is directly related to poor decision-making on my part and I will no longer allow myself to be a victim of my own poor judgment. I've gotten myself into situations where I should have known better, where I allowed myself to go against my conscience and act selfishly.
I suppose some good has come out of this though.  I've grown.  I'm no longer the person who simply sits back quietly while others treat me unfairly.  I'm not longer the person who simply bites his tongue and takes verbal, mental or emotional beatings.  I speak out against injustice and unfair treatment.  It's yet to be determined whether these decisions are for the better or not but I'm hopeful that it's a start on this new year.
There are people who I have lost as friends this year- those who I dropped willingly, won't be able to read this anyway. To those I lost unwillingly, I encourage you to reach out again.  If I've hurt you, I apologize and I ask for another chance.  If I've let you down, please don't give up on me yet.  If I treated you poorly, I ask for you to recognize I didn't do it purposefully.  To those who are still around, thanks.  I couldn't have done it without you.
It's a new year and I'm ready to make a fresh start.  I'm ready to put this disastrous year behind me and look to the future.  Here's to 2011 and all the excitement and improvements it should bring.